For starters...

i don't expect anyone to actually read this.  maybe someone will stumble upon it on the 'next blog' button, but i doubt it will catch the attention of anyone to actually stop on and read.   i'm writing, because i like to.   and writing in this fashion, is kind of like telling someone all those things in my head that are probably insane, or about all the things that i've done or have happened to me, without the worry of losing their respect or friendship, or heaven forbid.. my family finding out.

ok, 'friendship' sounded kinda funny, considering i have mainly acquaintances in my life... not very many real 'friends'.  its something i always wanted, but just never happened.  i've had temporary good friends, but none last the long haul.  some disappear, and some just seem to step back over time...drift apart i guess.   

i used to long for a good friend i could talk about sex to, especially.  a girl who actually loved sex the way that i do.  a girl who loved it, wanted it, and wasn't just saying she did to seem 'cool'.   that is the number one thing i've noticed in my 'friendships'... girls who 'claim' to love sex. or love to give blow jobs.  in reality, they don't.
 but they know guys like to hear that they do, and you can't be around another girl who says she loves sex, and not say you do too.  so they play along... but its always obvious.  if they truly loved sex, they'd ooze sex.  and they wouldn't have issues getting guys to notice. (most guys seem to like sex.. duh)

that's how i know i ooze sex... the guys notice.  i've tried to have guy friends... who, by the way, make way better friends than women for millions of reasons... but they all want in my pants.  they see right away i'm a sexual creature, and they want some of this.  they see my logical side, and my sexual side, and my lack of an emotional side (most of the time), and they want to experience this package.   its not that i'm some drop dead, gorgeous woman that men stare at and get hard-ons as i walk by... its the men that talk to me, the men that get to know me a bit, that always end up wanting me. 

but they don't want me for the 'me' inside... they want me for my sexual side.  not all guys have experienced a woman who oozes sex, who loves sex, who can't get enough sex.   which, makes it hard to be 'just friends' with them.  so my quest for a really good friend, never seems to end.  

so... since the women that i try to befriend end up driving me nuts, or fading away, and the men that i try to share my adventures with end up trying to have sex with me... i've decided to just tell the big black hole called cyberspace instead. 

so, cyberhole... you're the one that gets to hear "i can't believe that happened last night!"